Culture, Humor, Reviews

Six reasons why Chipotle is actually Bae

I love Chipotle. If I had the money, and the patience to wait in the long line that often stretches out the door every day, I would eat it for multiple meals each day. I’m married, but Chipotle is Bae. Chipolt-bae if you will. 

Five reasons why Chipotle is actually Bae:

1. It’s (relatively) healthy.  Chipotle’s food is ethically raised and they’re working to make it GMO free. It’s real food. You can totally taste the fakeness in other fast foods once you start eating Chipotle. It’s basically the healthiest fast food ever…which means the calories don’t count. 


Chipoltle is the healthiest relatiopnship you’ll ever have.
2. Chipotle takes you to the heights of happiness. The crinkle of the recycled paper bag. The rustle of the tin foil. The feel of your fork scraping against the reconstituted fiber burrito bowl. The pungent smell of cilantro. All of these sensations create an ecstasy, a level of euphoria that is matched by nothing else on this earth.

3. Chipotle is the first thing you think of when you wake up, and it’s your last thought before going to bed. Don’t even play like you don’t think about the next time you’ll get to have a steak burrito bowl with extra cheese and sour cream. Don’t. Even. Play. 

4. Chipotle is loyal… Chipotle is there for you. Chipotle know your struggles, because you’re in the struggle together. You had a hard day at work? Chipotle is there. You need a friend? Chipotle is there. You want some pico de gallo? Guess what? Chipotle is there. 

5. …except when Chipotle ain’t loyal. Why aren’t you open 24/7 Chipoltle? Why don’t you have a drive-thru? Why is delivery limited? I need you in my life. Why do you keep pushing me away?? 


6. You will always need Chipoltle, and Chipoltle gets that. Chipoltle has an app. Chipoltle lets you order ahead for pick up. Chipoltle is expanding into new locations. Chipotle knows how much you need it, and Chipotle ain’t afraid to be there. Look over your shoulders honey; Chipotle will be there. 

Where there is hunger; Chipotle will be there.

Disclaimer: Chipotle ain’t paying me to tell errbody how great it is. This unabashed profession of love for this product comes from my heart. 

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