SNEAK PREVIEW: For young men: How to attract (and keep) a woman

This post is part of a sneak preview series that I’m doing leading up to the official launch of this blog in September. Please enjoy, comment, and share any of these posts that you feel are worthy of sharing. Like The Armchair Commentary on Facebook and follow me on Twitter

For young men: How to attract (and keep) a woman

I make no claims to being a relationship guru, but over the years several young men and women have asked me for relationship advice. I’ve also had the feeling of watching a train wreck in progress  joy of watching young love awkwardly and painfully stare, giggle, and flirt  blossom and have seen a few of such relationships evolve into marriages.

This list comes from watching lots of young men and women interact and making observations of what traits young ladies seem to like. I’m also a woman…so I have some idea of what we tend to go for. This list is by no means exhaustive, and don’t come crying to me if none of these things work for you.

Learn how to dress stylishly. You don’t have to be uber-hipster/trendy/GQ, but learn how to put an outfit together. By outfit I mean shirt, pants, shoes (why do guys always have busted shoes?!?!), and accessories (watches/bracelets, necklaces, hats). A pair of beat-up jeans and a t-shirt that you got for free someplace doesn’t count. Are you clueless about style? Ask a female relative who is close to your age (like a sister or cousin) or a trusted female friend to take you shopping. You can also imitate (but don’t be a complete copycat) a stylish male friend. If all else fails, Google it.


Believe it or not, when you feel that you’re well-dressed, you’ll have more confidence in yourself. Chicks dig confidence.

Learn to enjoy (or at least tolerate) dressing up. Women like to be fancy on occasion. Act happy and confident. Don’t whine, complain, and otherwise make a fuss when you have to get dressed up. It comes off as childishness rather than machismo.


Exude confidence even if you feel uncomfortable and slightly foolish when you dress up.

Stop acting like a baby. The only person in your life who will put up with your bull crap unconditionally is your mother, and she gets tired of it most of the time. The woman in your life doesn’t have time for it. Stop sulking, whining, throwing hissy fits, and being difficult. Learn to communicate instead of just expecting people to know how you feel. Learn to take constructive criticism with grace.


Stop throwing tantrums and start talking. People don’t know what you think or feel unless you tell them.

Drop the misogyny. Like really. No quality woman wants to be with a jerk. No mentally stable woman wants to be with a man who constantly degrades her.  If you have women chasing after you and you act like a misogynist, there’s something wrong with both of you.


Acting like a misogynistic jerk may earn you cool points with your friends, but no self-respecting woman wants to be with a man who constantly says things and makes jokes that degrade her.

Go light on the sophomoric humor (particularly on social media). Farts, butt cracks, male and female anatomy, innuendo…people find these things humorous to varying degrees. If the punch line to every joke/comment/statement is “deez nuts” you sound like a frat boy stereotype (at best) and an immature idiot (at worst). Sure, there are some women who will laugh along, and she might be your soul mate, but it’s more likely women are going to find you extremely immature…especially if you’re over the age of 21.

Do your best to end relationships well. Don’t be ‘that guy.’ Treat women with respect even during a break up. Don’t say or do anything that you wouldn’t want a potential girlfriend to hear about. Treat her how you would want to be treated.


A text message is absolutely no way to break up with a girl. EVER.

Give up your membership to the he man woman haters club. There’s nothing wrong with male bonding. However, you’re going to have serious relational problems with your girlfriend if every activity you do with your friends is ‘No Girls Allowed.’ The older you are the more annoying this is. Cultivate relational space that allows people of both genders to interact and build healthy relationships.


Girls don’t have cooties. Invite them to some of your get-togethers. Just remember to take down the ‘No girls allowed’ sign.

Diversify your circle. Having Friends that are different than you in significant ways is important because it challenges you and helps you grow as a person. It shows depth of character and it opens doors for more relationships. By the time you’re 25, you should have several friends who differ from you in terms of race, education, politics, religion, etc.

Learn how to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. Your expectations of what a wife should do around the house is immaterial. You should know how to do domestic work at an acceptable level. Your future spouse may get sick, have to go out of town, or otherwise be unable to do house work. It’s unacceptable for you to not even know the basics of how to take care of yourself.

Stop being (as much of) a picky eater. Be willing to try new foods! ‘I don’t like it’ and ‘I’ve never tried it’ are not the same thing. Do yourself a favor and expand your tastes even before you get in a relationship. The woman in your life will want to eat out and may want to cook for you. Don’t embarrass or insult her by making a big deal about food.


Try new foods. Expand your horizons.

Stop being stubborn and set in your ways. nothing is worse than a stick in the mud. The woman in your life isn’t always going to think the same way you do. Be thankful for this and take advantage of her differing perspective.

I can’t promise instant results, but you will feel a surge in your confidence and personal growth when you begin to incorporate these principles into your life. 🙂

3 thoughts on “SNEAK PREVIEW: For young men: How to attract (and keep) a woman

  1. I think that to befriend people of other faiths, especially in Christianity, is viewed as compromise.

    I was a religious studies minor in college (I actually had enough hours for a major but didn’t declare). It was a great experience to learn about other religions. This was at a secular liberal arts institution. I’m thankful for such an experience.


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